Someone's Always Better Than Me

Maybe I won't live overseas. I used to be frustrated all the time being left behind (and my soul sister Abigail Rose Zaide Juano knows all about this) because I've always wanted to live in Paris, Amsterdam or Kyoto. Whenever there's a friend or a relative packing their bags to live abroad I am struck malevolently with envy. But after travelling to Singapore City last year, reading a 3rd grade classmate's blog, and when one of my closest friend passed away last month (she died without having her passport stamped) I had a change of heart. So I'll be stuck here in the Philippines, eating my favorite street foods and pica-pica, enduring the summer sunshine the whole year round, getting rained on, having my hair smell like engine fumes, keep on hating the government and its bureaucrats and etc. But I would never stop shooting for the moon, even if the powers that be refuses to make it happen. I can always travel the world while living full time in my country -- all I needed to do is to save up some money. I don't care if I have to do it alone, I'm always alone after all. Some people couldn't watch movies in the cinema or attend rock concerts and eat at restaurants by themselves -- that's never an issue to me because I'm accustomed to going solo. Perhaps I'm just a second rate pauper with no good-looks and no special skills, with dumb luck and ADD, and I'll be chase around eternally by credit card collectors and law offices, but at least I have an awareness of this truth and I won't spend my cash recklessly ever again like I was some nouveau riche bitch. Life is hell. Happiness is a burden.